Friday, July 18, 2008

New, Grainy Images of the Unborn Wonder Twins

Marcy had a regular check-up at her OB-Gyn (by the way, that sounds like a character name from a Star Wars rip-off, if you pronounce it right). He listened to the babies' heartbeats but could only find one. This is not unusual with twins. I have a good friend here at work that told me she carried twins all the way to labor without ever knowing they were twins. This is because my friend is very old and when she was pregnant, the doctors, or as they called them then, "barbers", were still treating pregnancy with a good exorcism and leech treatment. Okay, I kid, she is not that old (*waves at Joyce*), but it was in the time before sonograms were readily available and her doctor never heard more than one heartbeat (maybe it was just hard to use the stethoscope around all the leeches). Anyway, since Marcy's did not hear both heartbeats he asked her to go in for a sonogram yesterday and she did. Here are the results:

Long story short, the babies look fine. Still cant tell the sex of either, and I suppose you should not draw too many conclusions from the picture. What we do know is that one is slightly larger than the other but both are still growing and healthy. One thing the doctor did tell her was that she is only 9 weeks along but already has the belly of someone 14 weeks. If you do some rough projective math, that means that by the time she is ready to deliver, her stomach will be roughly the size of a Hummer. On the upside, she has gained in baby but not in weight. She is still the same weight, even with a few pounds of baby on board. (This is due largely to the fact that her diet has consisted of little else other than Caesar Salad lately. Everything else makes her sick.)

Now, I am no doctor, but I do like to speculate. So, I took the pictures of the babies as they have developed so far and I aged them a few months to see what they make look like. Here are my guesses:

Baby A: the baby on the right of the sonogram is featureless and oddly shaped. It should look something like a large lima bean:
Sure, she will have to wear festive hats so that her teachers and fellow children will know what end to speak to, but she will be loved for her acerbic wit and long litany of self-effacing bean humor.

Baby B: Right now, this baby looks like something I once made with Play-Doh and tried to pass off to my father as a father's day gift. "What is that?" he said. "A puppy?" I replied. If this child continues it's current state of development, I expect a strapping young lad that bears a striking resemblance to Klatu, the tumor turned Martian rebellion leader from the Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi classic Total Recall:

So, I have to say that Marcy and I are both just thrilled.

1 comment:

Maw Maw said...

Jason, you have just brought tears to your old mothers eyes !! I am laughing so hard that the tears are just pouring!! Having actually seen a Bryant baby or two, I am ALMOST sure that those sweet babies will look nothing like your projections!! But, you know how we grandmothers are, we see only sweet perfection when we look at our precious grandchildren!! I love you so much and your great sense of humor. And I can hardly wait to hold those two little miracles in my arms!! Wish I could think of something funny to say but I have to close and get a tissue to dry my eyes as the screen is getting blurry. Talk to you later.